At this very moment my husband is on a plane soaring over the Pacific ocean, back to us. Back home. Sayonara, Shanghai.
And after all of the stressing and not sleeping and pre-planning and then the solo-parenting I have done in the past week and a half, I'm honestly wondering where the time went. It flew. (Obviously it slipped away from me, as I did not blog even half as much as I had intended.)
I guess when you just do what you have to do, especially as a parent, time becomes kind of an unimportant factor in your life.
Tonight I had the bedtime routine down to an art. Baths for both, Bottle for baby, Baby Einstein for both, Lullabies for baby, Chapter book for little girl. I never thought I'd be able to synchronize bedtimes for two kids so far apart in age. But tonight (after a few disasterous attempts earlier in the week) the girls were comfortable and patient in our new routine. It was actually pleasant.
Even after an entire week of baby deciding this was a good time to start fighting sleep ... Even after little girl had a giant meltdown because she had to get herself dry and dressed and threw her washcloth at me, and so I left her wailing naked in the bathroom... Even after those nights when both girls were melting down simultaneously...
As I tucked them both in and kissed them goodnight tonight, there was this tiny (crazy) part of me that wished I could do it all again tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, there were absolutley days I wondered how we would make it through the next hour, asked myself what the hell kind of mother I was. My girls are (well, like me) stubborn, headstrong and not exactly adaptable to big change. This was a pretty sudden shock- not having Dad to help distribute the required amount of attention. For a couple of days Erinne and I had some flu-ey headcold and woke up with the same bad attitude. Kaitley had a couple of bad days of teething- waking up every few hours at night, and during the day, screaming at even the smallest irritation (like, getting lotion put on her arms, for example.) This combined with the sudden downturn in the weather...There were some dark times my friends.
But then, on the other hand... In the past 10 days:
Kaitley started crawling, standing and saying her own name. (!!!!)
Erinne and I rode the train to the city together, and genuinely laughed at the same jokes the whole way there.
Erinne learned that she could help keep her sister happy by sharing some of her toys with her, and did it willingly.
Kaitley decided there were a few other people that were cool enough to carry her around besides Mom.
I fixed the printer, the swingset, and the dishwasher by myself.
One morning, both girls woke up around 5am so I brought them into bed with me. We all fell back into a sweet sleep and didn't wake up until after 9.
I danced with my 5 year old in her fairy wings and tutu and flower petals and for a small moment, truly saw her for who she really is.
I learned the importance of taking care of myself
So while I am incredibly glad my husband is on his way home, where he belongs, with me and my lovely, precocious little daughters, I guess this whole experience was a lot like when you go from not having children to having them. It kind of changes your perspective and makes you a better person than you ever thought you were.
But next time, I'm still GOING!
-Cindy
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
News from China!
This morning I was talking to Keith on Skype and he had so much to tell me, I asked him to write it down so I could share it on the blog.
As for me and the girls? We've had some laughs, some tears, some good days and some really, really bad days. But we're hangin' in! 4 days left until we're all together again! I'll try to post tomorrow about some of our adventures. In the meantime, here's a post from Keith's perspective in Shanghai. (Be sure to watch the preview video of the World Expo that he gets to attend this weekend! Jealous!)
Cindy asked me to write a recap of my time here so far, so here goes:
I was in China for three days before I actually had any Chinese food. There is food here from every nationality. I have tried German, Indian, Korean, Thai, Italian and Japanese. German was good, but the Indian... not so much. I have been forced to learn to eat with chop sticks, or go hungry. Yesterday I was picking up peanuts with chop sticks and eating them. So I'm getting much better.
Most of the Chinese restaurants here have quite a different format for eating. Everyone at the table orders what they like and it is delivered and placed in the middle of the table. Then everyone shares everything. Some of the tables even have a rotating center. When we've eaten at places like this, the food just keeps coming and a LOT of food gets wasted. Also in the nicer restaurants, each party is given a private room. So the only people in the room are you, your friends and the waitress. It's very nice.
I have tried more kinds of foods on this trip than I thought I would ever consider eating. Some of the things I recall are Eel, dove, various types of dumplings, fish, and other items I didn't recognize. After a few nights of this, I was glad to have spaghetti at the Italian restaurant.
As for work...we work really long hours. Work consumes the entire day, and I think that's the culture here. You go to work in the morning after breakfast and you don't go home until after dinner. So I usually leave the hotel about 7:30 in the morning and return around 10:00 PM. But the China Autoliv people have been extremely hospitable. They have made sure our stay is has been a good experience. We have been escorted everywhere we've gone so far, and I'm pretty sure it will be that way the whole trip. The plant manager here even scored us some tickets to the World Expo which is in Shanghai this weekend. Apparently tickets are really hard to get, especially for it's second day open.
I have a very hard time communicating with many of the people here. I can't understand them even when they're speaking English. They speak softly and with a strong accent. This combined with my fair hearing is making it a little difficult to get things done. I also forget that I have my own version of slang that I use (Cindy understands me...but that's about it) and have been left with a lot of confused looks. Then I remember I have to restate things simply, and eventually things get figured out.
I have been communicating with Cind and the girls using Skype, which is a free Internet video communication service. As well as text messaging and and occasional phone call using the international cell phone provided by Autoliv. I am sharing this phone with my co-worker, so I don't always have it with me, but I try to call whenever I have a few minutes. It's been a pretty big challenge staying in touch because we are virtually in opposite times of one another. When Cindy's getting up with the kids in the morning, it's late at night here and I'm getting ready for bed. My lunchtime is at around 10 at night for her. It's pretty crazy.
Late Thursday night while I was talking with Cindy on Skype, my room phone rang. It was an Asian lady on the phone and I had no idea what she was saying....then I heard the words "You want sex? I come to your room... 800 RMB." (That's approximately 117 us dollars, for anyone who might be wondering.) It was a prostitute. I promptly turned her down, hung up the phone and went back to talking to my wife.
I had a hard time sleeping that night and made sure I deadbolted the locks. Shanghai is a huge city. I don't know if maybe she was tipped off about Americans at the hotel (got to keep the Americans happy) or if it was just a random call. Kind of creepy though.
But at least now I have a good story to tell the guys back in Brigham City.
Anyway that's it for now. I need some sleep. (And by the way the beds here are like sleeping on a concrete floor.)
I hope Cindy edited this for me.
Keith
As for me and the girls? We've had some laughs, some tears, some good days and some really, really bad days. But we're hangin' in! 4 days left until we're all together again! I'll try to post tomorrow about some of our adventures. In the meantime, here's a post from Keith's perspective in Shanghai. (Be sure to watch the preview video of the World Expo that he gets to attend this weekend! Jealous!)
Cindy asked me to write a recap of my time here so far, so here goes:
I was in China for three days before I actually had any Chinese food. There is food here from every nationality. I have tried German, Indian, Korean, Thai, Italian and Japanese. German was good, but the Indian... not so much. I have been forced to learn to eat with chop sticks, or go hungry. Yesterday I was picking up peanuts with chop sticks and eating them. So I'm getting much better.
Most of the Chinese restaurants here have quite a different format for eating. Everyone at the table orders what they like and it is delivered and placed in the middle of the table. Then everyone shares everything. Some of the tables even have a rotating center. When we've eaten at places like this, the food just keeps coming and a LOT of food gets wasted. Also in the nicer restaurants, each party is given a private room. So the only people in the room are you, your friends and the waitress. It's very nice.
I have tried more kinds of foods on this trip than I thought I would ever consider eating. Some of the things I recall are Eel, dove, various types of dumplings, fish, and other items I didn't recognize. After a few nights of this, I was glad to have spaghetti at the Italian restaurant.
As for work...we work really long hours. Work consumes the entire day, and I think that's the culture here. You go to work in the morning after breakfast and you don't go home until after dinner. So I usually leave the hotel about 7:30 in the morning and return around 10:00 PM. But the China Autoliv people have been extremely hospitable. They have made sure our stay is has been a good experience. We have been escorted everywhere we've gone so far, and I'm pretty sure it will be that way the whole trip. The plant manager here even scored us some tickets to the World Expo which is in Shanghai this weekend. Apparently tickets are really hard to get, especially for it's second day open.
I have a very hard time communicating with many of the people here. I can't understand them even when they're speaking English. They speak softly and with a strong accent. This combined with my fair hearing is making it a little difficult to get things done. I also forget that I have my own version of slang that I use (Cindy understands me...but that's about it) and have been left with a lot of confused looks. Then I remember I have to restate things simply, and eventually things get figured out.
I have been communicating with Cind and the girls using Skype, which is a free Internet video communication service. As well as text messaging and and occasional phone call using the international cell phone provided by Autoliv. I am sharing this phone with my co-worker, so I don't always have it with me, but I try to call whenever I have a few minutes. It's been a pretty big challenge staying in touch because we are virtually in opposite times of one another. When Cindy's getting up with the kids in the morning, it's late at night here and I'm getting ready for bed. My lunchtime is at around 10 at night for her. It's pretty crazy.
Late Thursday night while I was talking with Cindy on Skype, my room phone rang. It was an Asian lady on the phone and I had no idea what she was saying....then I heard the words "You want sex? I come to your room... 800 RMB." (That's approximately 117 us dollars, for anyone who might be wondering.) It was a prostitute. I promptly turned her down, hung up the phone and went back to talking to my wife.
I had a hard time sleeping that night and made sure I deadbolted the locks. Shanghai is a huge city. I don't know if maybe she was tipped off about Americans at the hotel (got to keep the Americans happy) or if it was just a random call. Kind of creepy though.
But at least now I have a good story to tell the guys back in Brigham City.
Anyway that's it for now. I need some sleep. (And by the way the beds here are like sleeping on a concrete floor.)
I hope Cindy edited this for me.
Keith
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
At the moment, I'm way too beat to entertain what days 4 and 5 have brought. Some good, some bad. Some definitely ugly. Instead I think, for now I'm just going to share a few things that have recently come to mind:
- Being a single parent bites.
- And, yet its extremely heartening and empowering.
- There is one clean bottle left in the cupboard, a dishwasher full of clean dishes, a sink full of dirty ones, and for the first time in my life I don't care.
- I forgot to get the mail out of the mailbox since Saturday. (Good thing Keith can't read this after all.)
- Mom doesn't always know best.
- Sometimes it doesn't matter if Mom knows best or not, you have to suck it up and ask for help anyway. (Is that the very definition of growing up, or what?)
- Being alone with young children for more than 24 hours causes dementia.
That's all for now. More later, thanks for reading. : )
Cindy
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Days 2 and 3
So...me being the organization-crazed control freak that I am, I decided long before my husband packed his bags that we were going to write a schedule for the time he was gone and try like hell to stick to it. I made a calendar with our daily activities and posted it on the fridge. Even planned what we were having for dinner each night.
Why would any mommy in her right mind do that to herself? Two reasons; Firstly, I've always said I'm not really, truly happy unless I have at least a thousand things to do during the day, and at least three of them should be going on simultaneously. I don't know why I am this way. I don't really want to know. It's just how I survive. So this was the only way I figured I could actually keep my right mind.
And secondly, this gave my 5 year old something tangible to look at to see the time passing. Besides, it gave her some things to look forward to. When I first showed her the calendar she immediatley found a dry-erase marker and, even despite a trip to the beloved Dinosaur Park, a train ride to Salt Lake City, and a Fairytale ball at the local Children's museum, she circled the day her Daddy comes home.
I scrutinized each calendar day and tried to add just the right combination of chilling out and getting out. I figured I had it pretty well perfected by the time he left. But then.... life happens. Things don't always go as planned, especially when taking two daughters, 4 years apart into account.
Despite my careful planning and much to my inner control freak's dismay, days 2 and 3 were polar opposites of one another.
Day 2 was a beautiful, Sunny Saturday. The whole house slept well and baby woke up smiling. We finished our breakfast of muffins and juice on the porch in the sunshine. Keith called in the morning, after his flight arrived in Shanghai, which was his nighttime. We used Skype, which allows us to video-conference and see each other. It was nice to see him in one piece, however dishevelled, and kind of comforting to see him in his jammies and just out of the shower. He looked exhausted and said he hadn't slept much on the plane. He headed for bed after we hung up.
Little girl's best friend came over to play and stayed all day. During the baby's nap I read my book in the sun, and even did some writing! (applause here, thank you.)
At lunchtime we packed a picnic and headed to one of our favorite places, Barker Park. It's the most picturesque place I think I've ever seen, one of those places that you drive by and think: "I want to bring my kids here." Long, winding sidewalks through groves of thick oak trees, A gushing mountain stream running through a deep wood. Serene, soft green rolling hills. A concrete stage with walls fit for a castle. The playground almost fades into the background because of all the other great places for kids to play. It's definitely a hidden gem if you live in the North Ogden area. The girls caught ladybugs, climbed on low-hanging oak branches, (peed in the woods) and performed on the stage. The baby and I played in the grass and found dandelions, each of which she greeted with a big toothy smile. Bliss.
In the evening my Mom watched the girls and I met my friends for dinner, some adult conversation, and a much-anticipated Blackberry Margarita! Nothing like hanging out with Mom friends to give a girl a little perspective. By the time I finished up and arrived back at my Moms, the girls were sleepy and happy to see me. I was met with big hugs and smiles. Sedated, sweet, and a cinch to put to bed. (Them, and me.) I happily fell asleep reading my book.
Day 3 was Sunday. I planned for us to have a morning chiling out at home (no way am I attempting church by myself with two little ones.) And then visit the library and the local Blockbuster in the afternoon. I thought it would be a good way to start the week, mellow, and yet could still give us the opportunitiy to get out and stock up on entertainment devices for the week. (I don't know about yours, but our local library is a haven for me and the girls. We live for new books!)
The morning dragged. Baby Kaitley was irritable, a tad feverish, and sleepy at off times. Plus, I kid you not, this poor kid pooped nearly a dozen times before noon. (We have days such as this. Even when she's feeling fine. She's a cleanser, this child.) Erinne, having been accustomed to her Daddy's chocolate chip pancakes every Sunday, kind of balked at my Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. By noon she was sleepy too, and since the baby was still sleeping Er and I just hung out on the couch watching Phineas and Ferb. "Everyone quit doing things that I'm not good at!"
Finally Kaitley woke up- way too late in the day to ensure herself getting a second nap. She seemed ok, so I gave her a bottle and we went to the library. We were there maybe 10 minutes, Erinne tipped over the bead table. Kaitley was sitting on the floor with some baby books and, very obviously, pooping. One of those librarians that looks like she was born to be a librarian gave us a crusty look. I just wanted to get the hell out of there, so we checked out. On the way out, the beeper went off. I brought our library bag from home, and there was a little square baby book in the corner that didn't get scanned, so it totally looked like I was trying to steal. (Because, yes, of all the things I COULD steal it would surely be a dog-eared version of "Peek a Who! Peek a You!") Of course, it was Ms. crusty-eyes that checked us out. She kind of looked me up and down as she checked all the books in our bag. At this point I started thinking maybe I should have gone for a better shirt, done more than just a ponytail. Did I even brush my teeth today? For hell's sake.
So we get to the car. I get a blanket and put it in the hatch, lay the baby down to change her and...I don't have the diaper bag. I don't know if you non-mommys or mommys of older kids realize the severity of this realization. I don't have the diaper bag! I dig around and find a size-too-small diap in the consul, and try to clean her up with tissues wet from the water fountain outside. (Emphasis on try.) I button her up, find some strong sanitizer and hope that my hands don't smell like pooed out steamed carrots.
Still, we decide to brave Blockbuster. I find a couple of good chick-flicks and Little girl picks a Barbie mermaid movie. I try to talk her out of it, but the girl loves a good cheesy Barbie plot, who am I to judge? The visit was pretty uneventful, but later as the mermaid movie is playing and I'm coaxing baby to sleep, Er comes screaming up the stairs. She hates the queen, she says. She's too mean and scary and this show is for big kids and I shouldn't have had her choose that one, and she doesn't forgive me, and she doesn't want to watch it anymore. And, here it comes. She wants her Daddy. I say possibly the dumbest thing a mommy can say at this point, which is "Honey it's just a movie." This produces even higher screams, and since her sister has obviously severed one of her fingers, the baby starts screaming too.
Good times my friends, good times.
I did manage to watch my chick-flick, which was quite possibly the only good thing that happened today. I rented "Motherhood" with Uma Thurman. It was scarily appropriate and a little spooky. About a former writer, stay-at-home mother of two who blogs in tiny segments of time simply so she can KEEP WRITING. At the end she kind of loses it a little, freaks out, runs away and then, of course comes to her senses. I've done this myself at least a dozen times.
And that was just today.
But despite my overplanning and murphy's law and mean queens,* and poopy mishaps, we survived. We're not even halfway through this journey baby, and tomorrow brings another adventure. Can't wait to see what it brings!
Cindy
*librarians
Why would any mommy in her right mind do that to herself? Two reasons; Firstly, I've always said I'm not really, truly happy unless I have at least a thousand things to do during the day, and at least three of them should be going on simultaneously. I don't know why I am this way. I don't really want to know. It's just how I survive. So this was the only way I figured I could actually keep my right mind.
And secondly, this gave my 5 year old something tangible to look at to see the time passing. Besides, it gave her some things to look forward to. When I first showed her the calendar she immediatley found a dry-erase marker and, even despite a trip to the beloved Dinosaur Park, a train ride to Salt Lake City, and a Fairytale ball at the local Children's museum, she circled the day her Daddy comes home.
I scrutinized each calendar day and tried to add just the right combination of chilling out and getting out. I figured I had it pretty well perfected by the time he left. But then.... life happens. Things don't always go as planned, especially when taking two daughters, 4 years apart into account.
Despite my careful planning and much to my inner control freak's dismay, days 2 and 3 were polar opposites of one another.
Day 2 was a beautiful, Sunny Saturday. The whole house slept well and baby woke up smiling. We finished our breakfast of muffins and juice on the porch in the sunshine. Keith called in the morning, after his flight arrived in Shanghai, which was his nighttime. We used Skype, which allows us to video-conference and see each other. It was nice to see him in one piece, however dishevelled, and kind of comforting to see him in his jammies and just out of the shower. He looked exhausted and said he hadn't slept much on the plane. He headed for bed after we hung up.
Little girl's best friend came over to play and stayed all day. During the baby's nap I read my book in the sun, and even did some writing! (applause here, thank you.)
At lunchtime we packed a picnic and headed to one of our favorite places, Barker Park. It's the most picturesque place I think I've ever seen, one of those places that you drive by and think: "I want to bring my kids here." Long, winding sidewalks through groves of thick oak trees, A gushing mountain stream running through a deep wood. Serene, soft green rolling hills. A concrete stage with walls fit for a castle. The playground almost fades into the background because of all the other great places for kids to play. It's definitely a hidden gem if you live in the North Ogden area. The girls caught ladybugs, climbed on low-hanging oak branches, (peed in the woods) and performed on the stage. The baby and I played in the grass and found dandelions, each of which she greeted with a big toothy smile. Bliss.
In the evening my Mom watched the girls and I met my friends for dinner, some adult conversation, and a much-anticipated Blackberry Margarita! Nothing like hanging out with Mom friends to give a girl a little perspective. By the time I finished up and arrived back at my Moms, the girls were sleepy and happy to see me. I was met with big hugs and smiles. Sedated, sweet, and a cinch to put to bed. (Them, and me.) I happily fell asleep reading my book.
Day 3 was Sunday. I planned for us to have a morning chiling out at home (no way am I attempting church by myself with two little ones.) And then visit the library and the local Blockbuster in the afternoon. I thought it would be a good way to start the week, mellow, and yet could still give us the opportunitiy to get out and stock up on entertainment devices for the week. (I don't know about yours, but our local library is a haven for me and the girls. We live for new books!)
The morning dragged. Baby Kaitley was irritable, a tad feverish, and sleepy at off times. Plus, I kid you not, this poor kid pooped nearly a dozen times before noon. (We have days such as this. Even when she's feeling fine. She's a cleanser, this child.) Erinne, having been accustomed to her Daddy's chocolate chip pancakes every Sunday, kind of balked at my Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. By noon she was sleepy too, and since the baby was still sleeping Er and I just hung out on the couch watching Phineas and Ferb. "Everyone quit doing things that I'm not good at!"
Finally Kaitley woke up- way too late in the day to ensure herself getting a second nap. She seemed ok, so I gave her a bottle and we went to the library. We were there maybe 10 minutes, Erinne tipped over the bead table. Kaitley was sitting on the floor with some baby books and, very obviously, pooping. One of those librarians that looks like she was born to be a librarian gave us a crusty look. I just wanted to get the hell out of there, so we checked out. On the way out, the beeper went off. I brought our library bag from home, and there was a little square baby book in the corner that didn't get scanned, so it totally looked like I was trying to steal. (Because, yes, of all the things I COULD steal it would surely be a dog-eared version of "Peek a Who! Peek a You!") Of course, it was Ms. crusty-eyes that checked us out. She kind of looked me up and down as she checked all the books in our bag. At this point I started thinking maybe I should have gone for a better shirt, done more than just a ponytail. Did I even brush my teeth today? For hell's sake.
So we get to the car. I get a blanket and put it in the hatch, lay the baby down to change her and...I don't have the diaper bag. I don't know if you non-mommys or mommys of older kids realize the severity of this realization. I don't have the diaper bag! I dig around and find a size-too-small diap in the consul, and try to clean her up with tissues wet from the water fountain outside. (Emphasis on try.) I button her up, find some strong sanitizer and hope that my hands don't smell like pooed out steamed carrots.
Still, we decide to brave Blockbuster. I find a couple of good chick-flicks and Little girl picks a Barbie mermaid movie. I try to talk her out of it, but the girl loves a good cheesy Barbie plot, who am I to judge? The visit was pretty uneventful, but later as the mermaid movie is playing and I'm coaxing baby to sleep, Er comes screaming up the stairs. She hates the queen, she says. She's too mean and scary and this show is for big kids and I shouldn't have had her choose that one, and she doesn't forgive me, and she doesn't want to watch it anymore. And, here it comes. She wants her Daddy. I say possibly the dumbest thing a mommy can say at this point, which is "Honey it's just a movie." This produces even higher screams, and since her sister has obviously severed one of her fingers, the baby starts screaming too.
Good times my friends, good times.
I did manage to watch my chick-flick, which was quite possibly the only good thing that happened today. I rented "Motherhood" with Uma Thurman. It was scarily appropriate and a little spooky. About a former writer, stay-at-home mother of two who blogs in tiny segments of time simply so she can KEEP WRITING. At the end she kind of loses it a little, freaks out, runs away and then, of course comes to her senses. I've done this myself at least a dozen times.
And that was just today.
But despite my overplanning and murphy's law and mean queens,* and poopy mishaps, we survived. We're not even halfway through this journey baby, and tomorrow brings another adventure. Can't wait to see what it brings!
Cindy
*librarians
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Day 1
Aaaaand so as I expected all my friends and family are saying that I'm sappy now. I saw that coming. But I don't care.
The point is not to impress (very obviously.) A great writer once said "My purpose is to entertain myself first and other people second." Touche.'
And Think blogging about your life in a short given period is lame? I challenge you to give it a try. I think you might be surprised at what comes out. About the little revelations you have in observing your everyday life. That is the point. That and, well, WRITING.
And yeah, I am sappy, I love my husband. I think he's great. I hate that he's gone this long. Can I deal? Of course! Is it completely devastating? Course not. But him being gone is a pretty big deal for my little family. Laugh if you must, but for me and especially my little girls this is a very serious matter.
Day 1, for example: Hubby had said his goodbyes to the girls the night before, little girl (5 yr old) in particular being extremely skeptical about the whole China issue, didn't want to let her Daddy leave her room. She's been asking him to "find someone else to go" for the past few days and sticking close to Keith whenever possible. So morning of departure, he makes a dash through the rain for the car and just like that he's gone. For me, life goes pretty much back to normal at this point. Get showered, get the girls up, diaper, breakfast, school, errands, etc... But not for little girl. She wakes up. She knows. She comes into the bathroom where I'm drying my hair and looks soberly at me and says "Daddy's gone."
Poor kid. And so of course hug her and tell her all of those things that mommies are supposed to say- "It'll be ok," "He'll be back really soon," "We have lots of fun things to help the time go by." "We're the girls team this week!" And she's a good kid, and she does what she needs to do. Gets dressed, brushes her teeth, eats her breakfast. Finds her shoes. Kisses her baby sister (11 mos.) on the head.
But I know her. She's not herself. She's quiet and thoughtful. I give her loves and tell her how pretty she looks, how she's going to have a fun day at school...Still sad. And though I'm giving my best mommy "academy award" winning performance here, the truth is that sometimes you just need to be sad. There isn't a fix. And I know exactly how she feels. You can tell yourself all the reasons it's silly, pointless, there are better things to do. But if you're sad, you're sad.
And that's pretty much how the rest of the day went. We kind of went through the motions, we did what we had to do. We had lunch at McDonald's with some friends from preschool and a little boy poked little girl in the eye. (What is it with stinking rotten children in McDonalds playplaces?) She was devastated. Not like her at all- normally she would have told him where to go and how to get there without even thinking. I sat watching for him to come down the slide thinking "Seriously kid, this was your lucky day."
We talked to the hubby once that afternoon, from LA. He was just boarding the plane for Seoul, Korea. A 12 hour flight. (Jealous I might be, but not envying the guy at this point.) He said he was missing us too. We had to cut the conversation short because little girl was mauling her baby sister and the horrible screech coming from her probably had the people in the seats around him cringing.
Later, little girl had a dance performance. She was bummed Daddy wasn't there, but Grandma would see her dance for the first time, which is a very cool thing when you're 5. My Mom came to manage baby during the show, and stayed and helped out afterwards too. Little girl did great, smiled, got all the moves right. Ran off the stage smiling and waving. Danced with her best bud in the bleachers. Had everyone her around smiling. And then she came home and went to bed in the same sober mood she started the day with.
I cleaned up from the day's chaos, and then kind of wandered around aimlessly after the little ones were asleep. It's the weirdest thing when you're so used to having another person there every day, and then suddenly they simply aren't. In one of my favorite books, Couplehood, Paul Reiser talks about coming home to an empty house; turning the tv on, then off. Picking his nose. Eating half a banana, staring out the window for 8 minutes...and so on. LOL. It's like you lost the programming that you're used to when you have another person with you. You're just randomly roaming around your home with no real purpose.
I finally got my book and fell asleep on the couch reading The Bridge of San Luis Rey. Which is actually a blessing, given the sleeping problems I've been having. Counting myself lucky, I wanted to just go fall into bed. But then...there were all those things that the husband usually takes care of. Unload stuff from the cars, lock all the doors, start the dishwasher, put the cat down, tuck the kids in. Sometimes he even makes my coffee. *sigh* Now do you get why I miss him so much?
(A few weeks ago, feeling rather macho because of some new tank tops he bought, he asked me if I'd like him to walk around and act like a giant @## all day, so much that it would actually be easier when he was gone. Thanks hon, that's a really nice thought, buuut, yeah, NO. Keep on doing all that stuff and not complaining about it either. Sorry, you started it, you're stuck with this persona now.)
I finally made it to bed and, wondering where in the hell on this earth my husband was at the moment, I miraculously fell asleep.
We made it through day one. Things are well. Hope that guy of mine can say the same. (I won't give anything away but from what I deduct, the bed is not exactly sleep-inducing over there.)
Cindy
The point is not to impress (very obviously.) A great writer once said "My purpose is to entertain myself first and other people second." Touche.'
And Think blogging about your life in a short given period is lame? I challenge you to give it a try. I think you might be surprised at what comes out. About the little revelations you have in observing your everyday life. That is the point. That and, well, WRITING.
And yeah, I am sappy, I love my husband. I think he's great. I hate that he's gone this long. Can I deal? Of course! Is it completely devastating? Course not. But him being gone is a pretty big deal for my little family. Laugh if you must, but for me and especially my little girls this is a very serious matter.
Day 1, for example: Hubby had said his goodbyes to the girls the night before, little girl (5 yr old) in particular being extremely skeptical about the whole China issue, didn't want to let her Daddy leave her room. She's been asking him to "find someone else to go" for the past few days and sticking close to Keith whenever possible. So morning of departure, he makes a dash through the rain for the car and just like that he's gone. For me, life goes pretty much back to normal at this point. Get showered, get the girls up, diaper, breakfast, school, errands, etc... But not for little girl. She wakes up. She knows. She comes into the bathroom where I'm drying my hair and looks soberly at me and says "Daddy's gone."
Poor kid. And so of course hug her and tell her all of those things that mommies are supposed to say- "It'll be ok," "He'll be back really soon," "We have lots of fun things to help the time go by." "We're the girls team this week!" And she's a good kid, and she does what she needs to do. Gets dressed, brushes her teeth, eats her breakfast. Finds her shoes. Kisses her baby sister (11 mos.) on the head.
But I know her. She's not herself. She's quiet and thoughtful. I give her loves and tell her how pretty she looks, how she's going to have a fun day at school...Still sad. And though I'm giving my best mommy "academy award" winning performance here, the truth is that sometimes you just need to be sad. There isn't a fix. And I know exactly how she feels. You can tell yourself all the reasons it's silly, pointless, there are better things to do. But if you're sad, you're sad.
And that's pretty much how the rest of the day went. We kind of went through the motions, we did what we had to do. We had lunch at McDonald's with some friends from preschool and a little boy poked little girl in the eye. (What is it with stinking rotten children in McDonalds playplaces?) She was devastated. Not like her at all- normally she would have told him where to go and how to get there without even thinking. I sat watching for him to come down the slide thinking "Seriously kid, this was your lucky day."
We talked to the hubby once that afternoon, from LA. He was just boarding the plane for Seoul, Korea. A 12 hour flight. (Jealous I might be, but not envying the guy at this point.) He said he was missing us too. We had to cut the conversation short because little girl was mauling her baby sister and the horrible screech coming from her probably had the people in the seats around him cringing.
Later, little girl had a dance performance. She was bummed Daddy wasn't there, but Grandma would see her dance for the first time, which is a very cool thing when you're 5. My Mom came to manage baby during the show, and stayed and helped out afterwards too. Little girl did great, smiled, got all the moves right. Ran off the stage smiling and waving. Danced with her best bud in the bleachers. Had everyone her around smiling. And then she came home and went to bed in the same sober mood she started the day with.
I cleaned up from the day's chaos, and then kind of wandered around aimlessly after the little ones were asleep. It's the weirdest thing when you're so used to having another person there every day, and then suddenly they simply aren't. In one of my favorite books, Couplehood, Paul Reiser talks about coming home to an empty house; turning the tv on, then off. Picking his nose. Eating half a banana, staring out the window for 8 minutes...and so on. LOL. It's like you lost the programming that you're used to when you have another person with you. You're just randomly roaming around your home with no real purpose.
I finally got my book and fell asleep on the couch reading The Bridge of San Luis Rey. Which is actually a blessing, given the sleeping problems I've been having. Counting myself lucky, I wanted to just go fall into bed. But then...there were all those things that the husband usually takes care of. Unload stuff from the cars, lock all the doors, start the dishwasher, put the cat down, tuck the kids in. Sometimes he even makes my coffee. *sigh* Now do you get why I miss him so much?
(A few weeks ago, feeling rather macho because of some new tank tops he bought, he asked me if I'd like him to walk around and act like a giant @## all day, so much that it would actually be easier when he was gone. Thanks hon, that's a really nice thought, buuut, yeah, NO. Keep on doing all that stuff and not complaining about it either. Sorry, you started it, you're stuck with this persona now.)
I finally made it to bed and, wondering where in the hell on this earth my husband was at the moment, I miraculously fell asleep.
We made it through day one. Things are well. Hope that guy of mine can say the same. (I won't give anything away but from what I deduct, the bed is not exactly sleep-inducing over there.)
Cindy
For the past few years, my husband's employer has threatened to send him to China. Because of his work-ethic, smarts and experience he's been their go-to guy for special and difficult projects for many years. (Though he'll deny all of that, I swear it's true.) He has pretty much adamantly refused since my first daughter was born 5 years ago. He's always said he just didn't want to leave his family that long. (What a guy, huh.)
And I agreed with him. Raising a child is a giant day-to-day challenge. It's been 5 years and I'm still trying to adjust to the haos of having kids. I rely on him for a lot of support. And he gives it without hesitation. My husband. So I wholeheartedly agreed.
But around the age of 30 when you start contemplating your life and the opportunities you might be missing even as your breath escapes... I started thinking he might be wrong for turning them down. It was an experience and an opportunity that he'd never had before. He started thinking it too. So this past Spring when they asked him to go again, he accepted.
So alas, the time went by. He got on a plane to Shanghai yesterday morning and here we are- 7,000 plus miles and one Pacific ocean apart for the first time since before we were married. I'm on my own with a precocious, sometimes naughty 5-year old and an 11 month old baby who is just starting to realize that she can control her world (and her mommy to boot.)
So in the next week and a half, I'm going to document my adventures with the girls here at home. I'm hoping the hubby will chip in and post some things from his side of the world as well.
Maybe it's just a way to stay connected, maybe my attempt to keep busy while he's gone. But just maybe, even though it's not me in an exciting place, half a world away, I'll discover a few new things in the process too.
And I agreed with him. Raising a child is a giant day-to-day challenge. It's been 5 years and I'm still trying to adjust to the haos of having kids. I rely on him for a lot of support. And he gives it without hesitation. My husband. So I wholeheartedly agreed.
But around the age of 30 when you start contemplating your life and the opportunities you might be missing even as your breath escapes... I started thinking he might be wrong for turning them down. It was an experience and an opportunity that he'd never had before. He started thinking it too. So this past Spring when they asked him to go again, he accepted.
So alas, the time went by. He got on a plane to Shanghai yesterday morning and here we are- 7,000 plus miles and one Pacific ocean apart for the first time since before we were married. I'm on my own with a precocious, sometimes naughty 5-year old and an 11 month old baby who is just starting to realize that she can control her world (and her mommy to boot.)
So in the next week and a half, I'm going to document my adventures with the girls here at home. I'm hoping the hubby will chip in and post some things from his side of the world as well.
Maybe it's just a way to stay connected, maybe my attempt to keep busy while he's gone. But just maybe, even though it's not me in an exciting place, half a world away, I'll discover a few new things in the process too.
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