Day 1

Aaaaand so as I expected all my friends and family are saying that I'm sappy now. I saw that coming. But I don't care.

The point is not to impress (very obviously.) A great writer once said "My purpose is to entertain myself first and other people second." Touche.'

And Think blogging about your life in a short given period is lame? I challenge you to give it a try. I think you might be surprised at what comes out. About the little revelations you have in observing your everyday life. That is the point. That and, well, WRITING.

And yeah, I am sappy, I love my husband. I think he's great. I hate that he's gone this long. Can I deal? Of course! Is it completely devastating? Course not. But him being gone is a pretty big deal for my little family. Laugh if you must, but for me and especially my little girls this is a very serious matter.

Day 1, for example: Hubby had said his goodbyes to the girls the night before, little girl (5 yr old) in particular being extremely skeptical about the whole China issue, didn't want to let her Daddy leave her room. She's been asking him to "find someone else to go" for the past few days and sticking close to Keith whenever possible. So morning of departure, he makes a dash through the rain for the car and just like that he's gone. For me, life goes pretty much back to normal at this point. Get showered, get the girls up, diaper, breakfast, school, errands, etc... But not for little girl. She wakes up. She knows. She comes into the bathroom where I'm drying my hair and looks soberly at me and says "Daddy's gone."

Poor kid. And so of course hug her and tell her all of those things that mommies are supposed to say- "It'll be ok," "He'll be back really soon," "We have lots of fun things to help the time go by." "We're the girls team this week!" And she's a good kid, and she does what she needs to do. Gets dressed, brushes her teeth, eats her breakfast. Finds her shoes. Kisses her baby sister (11 mos.) on the head.

But I know her. She's not herself. She's quiet and thoughtful. I give her loves and tell her how pretty she looks, how she's going to have a fun day at school...Still sad. And though I'm giving my best mommy "academy award" winning performance here, the truth is that sometimes you just need to be sad. There isn't a fix. And I know exactly how she feels. You can tell yourself all the reasons it's silly, pointless, there are better things to do. But if you're sad, you're sad.

And that's pretty much how the rest of the day went. We kind of went through the motions, we did what we had to do. We had lunch at McDonald's with some friends from preschool and a little boy poked little girl in the eye. (What is it with stinking rotten children in McDonalds playplaces?) She was devastated. Not like her at all- normally she would have told him where to go and how to get there without even thinking. I sat watching for him to come down the slide thinking "Seriously kid, this was your lucky day."

We talked to the hubby once that afternoon, from LA. He was just boarding the plane for Seoul, Korea. A 12 hour flight. (Jealous I might be, but not envying the guy at this point.) He said he was missing us too. We had to cut the conversation short because little girl was mauling her baby sister and the horrible screech coming from her probably had the people in the seats around him cringing.

Later, little girl had a dance performance. She was bummed Daddy wasn't there, but Grandma would see her dance for the first time, which is a very cool thing when you're 5. My Mom came to manage baby during the show, and stayed and helped out afterwards too. Little girl did great, smiled, got all the moves right. Ran off the stage smiling and waving. Danced with her best bud in the bleachers. Had everyone her around smiling. And then she came home and went to bed in the same sober mood she started the day with.

I cleaned up from the day's chaos, and then kind of wandered around aimlessly after the little ones were asleep. It's the weirdest thing when you're so used to having another person there every day, and then suddenly they simply aren't. In one of my favorite books, Couplehood, Paul Reiser talks about coming home to an empty house; turning the tv on, then off. Picking his nose. Eating half a banana, staring out the window for 8 minutes...and so on. LOL. It's like you lost the programming that you're used to when you have another person with you. You're just randomly roaming around your home with no real purpose.

I finally got my book and fell asleep on the couch reading The Bridge of San Luis Rey. Which is actually a blessing, given the sleeping problems I've been having. Counting myself lucky, I wanted to just go fall into bed. But then...there were all those things that the husband usually takes care of. Unload stuff from the cars, lock all the doors, start the dishwasher, put the cat down, tuck the kids in. Sometimes he even makes my coffee. *sigh* Now do you get why I miss him so much?

(A few weeks ago, feeling rather macho because of some new tank tops he bought, he asked me if I'd like him to walk around and act like a giant @## all day, so much that it would actually be easier when he was gone. Thanks hon, that's a really nice thought, buuut, yeah, NO. Keep on doing all that stuff and not complaining about it either. Sorry, you started it, you're stuck with this persona now.)

I finally made it to bed and, wondering where in the hell on this earth my husband was at the moment, I miraculously fell asleep.

We made it through day one. Things are well. Hope that guy of mine can say the same. (I won't give anything away but from what I deduct, the bed is not exactly sleep-inducing over there.)

Cindy